Plurp: Are you still here?

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2004.04.12 : 2004.04.17

Saturday, April 17, 2004
Plurp. Yesterday, somehow (and we forget how), we stumbled onto this intriguing essay by Daniel Dennett (and a related New Yorker cover) on whether consciousness (awareness, whatever) arises naturally out of the organization of brains, or whether it arises from some hitherto unplumbed fundamental properties of matter. Could there be, he asks, zombies - beings that, in every outward appearance, in every experiment that we could conceive, behave exactly like human beings, but who are not, in fact, conscious? How do we know that you are not a zombie? And, if we cannot tell the difference, how can it matter?
It's a wonderful question, and one that we have (though perhaps in different formulations) wondered about for most of our life. Consciousness - this theater of perception in which we live - is such a compelling, primary part of our experience of the world. Its existence, unlike the much less directly inferred existence of a cup or a table, cannot be denied. And yet, no reductionist theory (including Dennett's) comes close to explaining it. It is as if a cup of flour and a cup of milk, when mixed together, resulted in an entirely new universe. It would be an interested, but rather unexpected, result.
We have reconciled ourself, at least for the time being, to sitting quietly in a philosophical alleyway. It may well be that Daniel Dennett is a zombie. We can't tell. We are quite certain that we are not. But we just don't know about Dennett.
It's not a satisfying position; it hardly solves the problem. And it seems like a naughty thing to say about Dennett. But we don't know where else to go.

Plurp.
The blue dog
did not
exist

Friday, April 16, 2004
Blab. You know, there really are a lot of Helenisms sitting around here collecting disuse. So, today, we're going to sweep them all into one big pile and dispose of them. Right in your lap.
First, an athletic reporter writes:
Hi Captain Plurp,
Here's a Helenism from last weekend's Minnesota Girls' High School Basketball Tournament.
"She comes through when the chips are on the line."
It's composed of "... when the chips are down" and "... when the game is on the line."
Your Athletic Midwest Correspondent
Or maybe it was a dietary statement. We can't tell. Either way, sports seem to figure prominently in recent Helenisms.
A Helenism I uttered myself in the heat of the moment. Predicting my team's imminent victory, and in a somewhat less than sober state, I conflated
"we'll wipe the floor with you"
and
"we'll whip your arses"
and got
"we're gonna wipe your arses"
Much hilarity ensued.
That's wonderful! It's a rare Helenism indeed that turns into an understandable phrase with a rather different meaning. That's cool.
A reader overhears a great one from a Grand Master of Helenisms.
A Helenism from our Commander in Chief himself! "under the spot" (as in "heh, you've put me under the spot here"). Combining "under the gun" and "on the spot".
So presidents seem to be a theme as well. Odd.
A Helenism from tonight's 'The West Wing' (repeat):
"... swim against the grain ..."
   + "swim against the tide"
   + "go against the grain"
{inw}
Or is Ian a theme?
A Helenism from my very own fingers:
"... on the edge of my tenterhooks"
   + "on the edge of my seat";
   + "on tenterhooks".
{inw}
It could well be Ian, as he slipped us a scrap of paper yesterday, on which this was written:
"We have our ear to the pulse ..."
Or is it television?
Extraordinary. The power of one woman has reached New Jersey where Carmela's very short term lover is heard to say to the English teacher at Carmela Soprano's son's school, "Cut him a break"
(Give Him A Break elides with Cut Him Some Slack.) Bravo, Helen.
Helen. Fear her power.
Our thanks to all of our eagle-eared readers!

Plurp. Oh. And we heard Kathy say this last night on Survivor.
I've got an X on my back

I've got a target on my back

X marks the spot

Outwit. Outlast. Out damned spot.

Plurp. Now you can get a glimpse of what was wasting our time up until a week ago. (Now, of course, it's this.)

Plurp. We're off to Yet Another Faraway Place With Unknown Connectivity, so we might be even more scarce than we have been recently. If that's possible.

Plurp.
The blue dog
elided the
mumble mumble

Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Blab. Today, we revel in the consternation felt by our readers as a result of our random and unexplained absence. Consider these to be entries in our lab notebook as we start our new career as a Web Sociologist.
Plurp?
Plaintive, isn't it? But not as plaintive as this.
Hellloooooooooooooooooo!
We only regret that we had not installed the Digital Echo Chamber in time.
Just say hi.
You can just see the tears start to well, can't you? Well, we can.
Steve?
A lone voice, whimpering in the darkness. As opposed to when we're around, and you folks are whimpering with the lights on. We don't know how that makes us feel.
I'm sad.
Yeah, us too, we guess. It is pretty sad.
I don't wanna play anymore.
Finally! We were wondering when you would leave.
Still, we did enjoy ourself while we away, if only vicariously.
Steve, keep it real slow like this so I won't miss anything when I'm in Maui next week. Also, my birthday is April 20, same as Hitler so I would appreciate a cryptic comment on that (without any modern 4/20 comments, please.)
Happy to help, especially by doing very little. Oh, and happy impeding birthday. (We are now too old to consider birthdays as happy events. But, you know, your mileage may vary.)
Hey Steve, since you've been everywhere, can you direct me to some special place while I'm in Maui?
Yeah, we got your special place right here. Seriously, it's been decades since we've been to Maui, and it's probably all one big condominium now. But, when we were there, Haleakala was unmissable (get there early and get out before sunset or you're in trouble), and the drive around to Hana was utterly lovely (and would be more so in a Miata). Good diving there, in the sense of it being warm and very clear, but not much sea life. We did find a helmet shell that we named Stinky, but that's a gruesome tale for another day.
dude, i miss your stuff. i'll be in Maui for a while, but i hope you have some new stuff when i get back.
We hope that you meet up with all those other readers who are part of the mass migration.
At this point, as always seems to happen, a reader stumbles upon self-realization.
We must really be lame.
You've been reading this stupid blog for all this time and you just figured that out? You are lame.
Sometimes, prayer helps.
Hail Marge, full of gravy, the morgue is with thee; blessed art thou among bosoms, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Lisa. Holy Marge, Mother of Bart, pray for us singers, now and eat the flour of our dearth. Ahem.
--Excerpts from Homer's "The Idiot and the Audacity"
But not this time. Instead, abject fealty - of a particular variety - is offered.
Thank you for the public barebottom spanking. I have learned my lesson. The whole thing was an unfortunate series of events. Please shine your forgiveness upon me, and I shall be a faithful follower to the end of our days.     Your loyal servant always, Kallese
We like abject fealty. We will happily shine our forgiveness on you just as soon as we can get to the drug store and buy a new battery. ("Battery.")
Or goochie-goo.
we love you plurpy and if its quite alright we love you plurpy *tickles the blue dog* please post plurp man, in the words of incubus ' i miss you!'
Yeah, not so much. Fortunately, an astute reader has useful insights.
I get the impression that Plurp is becoming a drag to you, mr plurp, and you were so enthusiastic at the beginning! So here is a list to help remind you about the good aspects of Plurp.
1) it keeps english school-kid correspondants such as myself busy during very long lessons (think of the children!)
2) the blue dog will have no where to live if you dismantle plurp-dom (think of the puppies!_
3) think about those long search lists full of bizarre and also strangely comforting regular things every week that you'll never be able to contemplate again
4) if you don't spout all your nonsense here...terrible things might happen. You may, god forbid, start to spout nonsense in all those meetings you go too!
5) and another, whenever anyone mutters a helenism, you will think, 'i'll put that in plurp' and then a cold, lonely truth will settle around you and you'll realise there is no plurp and no where to write your helenisms and no where for you to spout nonsense or for us to spout nonsense...
.and who needs that?
Well, there are a lot of Helenisms sitting around here collecting disuse. And we have been saying some rather odd things in meeting of late. Hmm.
Finally, a reader attempts to mix the memes, with potentially disastrous results. Never do that.
Think of it as exercise for you brain so you continue posting, because it is candy for mine (and I have a sweet tooth). Meanwhile, happy gaming!
Last night, we dreamt about sneaking through a darkened building while wearing our infrared headgear. Today, we blogged the dream. Three in one.

Plurp. We seem to have new readers recently. We don't know why. But we do wonder what they think about the contextless but seemingly-meaningful bits of information they find here. Like this.

helen naked pitures

iris chacon

imani

chihuly

mia

arsenic poisoning pictures

nun

thermobaric

virtual helen naked pictures

angelina jolie

Plurp. Or this.

helen naked pitures

virtual helen naked pictures

helen in catwoman suit

mia

imani

mouse naked pictures

quorn naked pictures

backstage

britney

get an elephant in a refrigerator

Plurp.
WARNING: READ BEFORE PLAYING
A very small percentage of individuals may experience epileptic seizures when exposed to certain light patterns or flashing lights. Exposure to certain patterns or backgrounds on a computer screen, or while playing video games, may induce an epileptic seizure in these individuals. Certain conditions may induce previously undetected epileptic symptoms even in persons who have no history of prior seizures or epilepsy.
If you, or anyone in your family, have an epileptic condition, consult your physician prior to playing. If you experience any of the following symptoms while playing a video or computer game -- dizziness, altered vision, eye or muscle twitches, loss of awareness, disorientation, any involuntary movement, or convulsions -- IMMEDIATELY discontinue use and consult your physician before resuming play.

Plop.

Speech had usual mix of misspoken
words and grammatical conundrums.

Yow. Many more Googlicious things! We wonder what they all are.

Yo. Hello Cthulhu. Yes, it's just what you think it is. (/usr/bin/girl)

Plurp.
The blue dog
considered
running for president

Monday, April 12, 2004
Plurp. For some reason, we're here again. We're not sure why.
We've been busy, of course, doing all sorts of Really Important Things.
Actually, that's not true. In fact, it's a complete fabrication.
The truth is: we got a new laptop. That's not important. And it's really fast and pretty and stuff. That's not important either. The important thing is that it has a Radeon Mobility 9000 chip. That's right, for the first time ever, IBM has deigned to put a state-of-the-art graphics chip into its laptops.
And you know what that means. Yep: games! For the first time ever, we can play games that are less than five years old on our laptop.
And that's important!
Of course, it's not something we're doing (the Radeon Mobility 9000 chip, that is). It's more something we're having. And the game playing (the thing we are doing) isn't really important. It's more important than weblog-writing, or at least it appears to be, based upon our observed priorities. But prolly not actually important.
But whatever. What you really want to know is: What games are we playing? Good question. We're playing Unreal Tournament 2004 (the demo version) in single-player mode, and with the AI turned down to Stupid so we can win. (We suspect that higher AI levels are mostly just better at aiming, which is really cheating, not intelligence.)
And we're playing Splinter Cell Pandora Tomorrow, which is really cool. It's a first-person sneaker (like Thief), but with high-tech Tom Clancy gadgetry. For nerds! It's Walter Mitty, 007. We played the demo through a half-dozen times, then ordered the full version (through Amazon, rather than walking the four blocks to the local bit store; we're not sure "stores," in the sense of places, have much of a future). It should arrive Real Soon Now.
And you know what that means. Yep, we're likely to be absent again for large periods of time while we sneak about the jungles of Southeast Asia acting as a highly-trained ~~murderer~~ anti-terrorist agent.
And surely that's more important than this bloggy blather, right?

Blab. Anyhow, in our absence, and for reasons incomprehensible, you kept writing to us! That's so weird.
But now we have to decide what to do with this steaming heap of reader contribution. We could:

Publish it.

Throw it all away.

Something else.

We choose (c), because that's what Mom told us to do.
"Put the toy down and come back to your Blog, Steve."
Guy!

Blab. In less motherly news, we celebrate the completion of one of the most obscure pieces of performance art in the history of this idiotic weblog.
Big Box O'Plurp!
Zackly! All Boxes O' Plurp (which, as required by law, contained a careful selection of objects that, collectively, communicate a Jungian archetype that is somehow deeply Plurplike, and otherwise known as random junk that's been loitering around our closets for years) are now accounted for, including the one that was entirely unsolicited (Hi, Mary!), and except for the one that was sent to some obscure European country, and that we're sure is now in good use as a pre-built home in that country.
Let's examine the wreckage.
Ms. Sweetie writes:
Wow. I just received my Big Box O' Plurp. It was requested for me and not by me, so I didn't know what it was. I was a little worried at first. Based on the fact that it was mailed from NY and was addressed to "my name" Sweetie, I thought it might be from an ex-boyfriend.   I confirmed that it wasn't going to explode and that it didn't contain dead animals (that [description of object] thing had me a little worried). I thought maybe it was stuff being returned after a breakup. Maybe they had the wrong address. Then I thought maybe there was some sort of web puzzle/game, but why send it to me since I don't have a blog.   Then I thought Plurp! It definitely did "communicate a Jungian archetype that is somehow deeply Plurplike." But why was I receiving a box o' plurp? I'm telling my sweetie about the mysterious box, "you didn't have anything to do with this, did you?" and "some of the things make me think of plurp" when he remembers requesting a BBOP for me.   Thanks, Plurp
All in a day's work. Or, in this case, a year's work. (Sorry for deleting that [description of object]. We're sure that it was given to us by some thoughtful (if entirely tasteless) friend who would be appalled upon discovering that we had sent it to some random person. We did, of course, but now they'll never know.)
Got my big box O' Plurp from "P. Parker, NYC" today. Haven't had time to see it, because I've been working 70 hour weeks on the Spiderman Movie console game. Wife wanted to make sure it wasn't an anthrax bomb, but then opened it anyhow. She thinks it's great, the kids think its great.
Happy Plurpmas!!!
And to you and yours. (We wonder what was in it.)
Today, the earth being in its usual annually determined position around the sun, we received a box'o'plurp.
Imagine our surprise when our door was knocked by the nice man in a shiny van, who handed us a large (yes large) box from NY. (We have to admit listening carefully for ticking). Not having remembered Dr Plurp's promise to send us anything, we slowly opened a box to find a cornucopia of delight. Well, apart from the false teeth holder. We could have passed on that. It slowly dawned upon us after seeing the IBM Chocolate bar what this was. Anyway, we'd like to express our gratitude, so we will. Thanks.
Right, we're off to conjugate some German verbs...
-AJL
Bitte! All we can say is: that wasn't a false teeth holder. The rest is left to your (no doubt already overworked) imagination. Rest assured that Helen thought we were being gross by including it. Which only encouraged us, of course.
Congratulations to all of our winners.

Blab. A reader writes:
blue dog?
Missing In Action.

Plurp. It turns out to be remarkably easy to get out of the blogging habit. (As opposed to say, the eating habit, or the working habit, both of which are, by comparison, much more addictive.) Just a few days of overwork (or overgame) and it's right out the window.
We're not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. If this is exercise for our usually couch-potatoish mind, then it being easy to not do it is bad. If, on the other hand, this is just some mindless ritual, then it being easy to not do it is good.
As usual, we just don't know.

Plurp.
The blue dog
wasn't
still here

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