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2002.10.27 : 2002.11.01
Friday, November 1, 2002
Blab. A reader sends us this really weird thing.
This
visual illusion is the creepiest I've ever seen.
Go look. Argh.
Blab. A reader writes:
Congratulations! You've won!
Click here
to claim your reward. This is NOT unsolicited mail!
We may already be a wiener.
Blab. A reader objects.
I don't want to see any more
references to Helen unless they are reverential, and none at all to her
potential unclothedness. Naked is a private thing and not to be bandied
about by leering boys, with or without wry smiles and beards.
Like, for instance, this entry? Got it.
Blab. A reader sends us to:
Ovnunu!
We love the Web. We don't know why. But we do.
Blab. A reader blames others for its personal failures.
Actually I was personally
forbidden by my boss from coming in to work in a Mr. Sniper costume.
I don't know how he guessed. Must've been the random white van parked
outside that may or may not have been mine.
Break the bonds! Drive that white van! Come to work in camo!
Blab. A reader is better than we are.
I just barely got 100% on
the color test the first time, by forcing myself to ignore the letters
as much as I could and look at their color. I got 100% on it easily
the second time, by clicking on the button that *didn't* have the same
word as the prompt.
Yeah, but was that what the instructions said to do? We're so confused!
Blab. An attentive reader writes:
Possible Helenism from this
morning's meeting:
"Ahead of the ball"
"Ahead of the game"
"On the ball"
Not sure about that one, but it seems
plausible to
me...
Possibly.
Blab. A reader spills certain beans.
Candidate Billism from the
man himself, yesterday:
"When you're controlling physical
things, you need a controller."
It has the the salient feature of
a Billism, namely the fact that it's an oddly-modified tautology.
The word 'physical' is, it would seem, entirely superfluous, and yet its
presence somehow enhances the result.
This begs the whole question, What is a Billism?
We are not prepared to answer this question at this time.
Blab. A reader sends us news from "Canada":
The Canadian government advised
its citizens born in Iran, Iraq, Libya, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Sudan,
Syria or Yemen to "consider carefully" whether they should visit the U.S.,
citing concerns about new U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service security
measures and the risk that they may be detained or arrested.
Sadly, our lazy reader doesn't send us a link, so we can't tell if it's
true or not.
Blab. A reader spills other, even more certain, beans.
space has a terrible secret
We can say only that we have always wanted to travel into space, to see
distant worlds, to meet alien races. This has been a deeply emotional dream
of ours for as long as we can remember. And tonight, as a result of certain
communications
(whose nature we cannot reveal; not here; not yet) we have learned, to
our astonishment, that what we had always thought impossible might - just
might - not be.
We know. You think we're kidding. It's too incredible to believe. We
thought so too. We don't expect you to believe it.
But if we are unable to update here for some time, think about it. OK?
Thursday, October 31, 2002
Blab. A reader sends us a ...
[link]
... to a very confusing test. We managed to score 100% after several trials,
but we still don't understand why.
Blab. A reader, filled with techno-lust, writes this:
After noticing this,
I thought, "I really want one of those machines!" The next day IBM has
one for sale! Now all I need is the FRU number and I can order my very
own time machine! I'm thrilled! Wow!
- Morton (Does IBM take Swiss Francs?)
And then, seconds later:
I found a
tiny version of said ad pertaining to the time machine. A bigger picture
would be nice, though.
- Morton
Better Living Through Bagotronics.
See their really great infomercial here.
Really.
Blab. A reader finds a generic infomercial.
Plurp
is ...
Ominous!
plurp is called "blab"
plurp is not dead yet
plurp is one of the highlights of
my day
plurp is being updated
Hmmm
...
steve white is a credit to
mankind
steve white is scribbling on pieces
of paper
steve white is a consumate blues
man
steve white is poised to help james
strenge pay his debt to society and kick a nasty habit in the process
steve white is a funny man
steve white is famous
steve white is in charge of getting
the food
Excuse us. We have to go get the food.
Blab. Today's picture from Leah:
Worms!!!
OK, fine.
Blab. A reader pretends it is ranting in its very own blog. We
play along.
Of course the administration
knows what it is doing!!! How dare you. If you can't be killed
as a minor in certain silly jurisdictions we will try you federally, for
goodness sake. If you are have a serious conflict of interest and
a fat favorite chooses you, of course we will support you. There
are no facts where there is love or death.
We always wanted a fat favorite to choose us. We've never told anyone that.
Blab. A reader asks:
hey whats up
This.
Blab. Perusing an earlier issue of Plurp,
a reader undergoes an existential crisis.
what is plurp??????????
We refer you to our FAQ.
Q: What is Plurp?
A: It's a weblog.
Q: No, I mean, what does it
mean?
A: What an odd question. What
does a rock mean?
Q: No, I mean, what does the
word "Plurp" mean?
A: Oh. We see. We don't think
it's actually in the dictionary.
Q: No, no! Look. You have a
weblog named "Plurp". I got that. But why did you call it that?
A: Oh! That's easy. We don't
know.
Blab. A reader (at least we think it's a reader) says
things.
Here's a neat website of
Aurora
Borealis photos. They say that October was a good month for these amazing
sightings.
You know, personally, being an electron ejected at nearly the speed of
light by the sun, and having tried to avoid impacting various planets but,
what with the speed and lack of free will and all, having nonetheless,
in those few last nanoseconds, impacted the cross section of that planet
+ tiny atmosphere, ... well, we appreciate that.
Blab. A reader has fun with something. We don't know what. We
probably don't want to know what.
Wheeeeee!!!!!!!!!
The claim is that it seems to be warmer on other parts of the planet than
the one which we inhabit. We are willing to believe this.
Blab. A reader sends us glyphs.
;)
;) ;)
Hallowe'en greetings from folks interested in hurricanes.
Everyone needs their fetishes.
Blab. A reader
limin'
time!
A satellite image of Puerto Rico. Okey dokey.
We do think it's dear that they misspell satellite in their URL.
We do.
Blab. A successful experimental subject writes:
In order to assist Plurp
in its goal of advancing the art of computer assisted mind control lasers,
I humbly propose the following: Illuminati Hypertext Markup Language
(IHTML).
Proposed IHTML rule 1:
<FNORD>
text </FNORD>
This replaces the earlier and cumbersome
method of inserting FNORD after every word
that must be subliminally conveyed.
We don't understand this, but perhaps that's just 'cause our tongue itches
too much right now.
Blab. A reader (at least we think it's a reader) says things.
That
card trick works pretty well with real made-of-atoms cards, too.
Our readers frighten us. They really do.
Blab. A reader points us at a ...
Minefield
with autonomic properties.
We appreciate the finely honed sense of irony shown by the U.S. military
in developing a minefield that is self-healing.
Yow. This
is entirely too weird. Somebody spent way too much time making it.
Go play. Look carefully. Be impressed. (Dave)
Plurp. Did any of you go out trick-or-treating tonight as Mister
Sniper tonight? No? We're so disappointed in you. As the Gregarious
Priest? The Trusted Fireman? Did you at least stay at home and give
out canned beets to the snotty little tikes?
We decry your lack of tasteless imagination. We really do.
 Plurp.
The blue dog is right
here
baby
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
Blab. A reader knows little facts.
It is a little known fact
that the "prior art" clause of the patent requirements refers only to recognized
works by famous oil painters. A search of my basement collection failed
to turn up any examples of prior art (on any subject, actually).
That said, I have just received a patent on cow orking and hereby ask for
royalties on your use. If cash payment is unacceptable we are willing to
accept a free subscription to the naked helen picture archive. You have
30 days to forward the URL and password or the cow gets it.
Dorian
 We
gladly agree to royalty terms. We will, in fact, pay you 100% of all monetary
profits that we garner from the use of your most valuable patent. In addition,
as a show of good faith, here is
the URL of the archive of naked helen pitures.
Good luck with the cow.
Blab. On the topic of autonomic computing
(on which our CEO
made a big
announcement this morning), a reader writes:
Ummm, my site has been digested
for years. Considering that it is now full of useless crap I suggest you
skip the digesting part and work on the elimination problem.
Dorian
That's not our department. We specialize in undigested crap. Obviously.
Blab. This reader insists on playing logic games with the
ACLU.
we also scored 100%; note
that the link is actually this,
not the one you gave. (would it be "safe nor free" or "safe nand free"?
ashcroft would presumably want us to believe it's "safe xor free".)
We suspect that Asscroft would insist on "safe nand free", but we have
yet to calibrate our Telepathic Monitors finely enough to discern a signal
that weak.
Blab. This reader has some pointed questions for the
ACLU.
I've got my own "How Free
are We?" questionaire that doesn't conveniently skip over the parts of
liberty that the ACLU enjoys ignoring.
How about "What percentage of your
money is taken by force of arms each year?"
Maybe "Explain why eminent domain
is a good thing when used for liberal causes."
And my favorite: "Explain why the
tenth amendment might as well read 'boppy boppy boopy boo' for all the
effect it has on our legal system."
OK, so we had to look up the Tenth
Amendment too. To our amazement, it does, in fact, read:
Boppy boppy boppy boo.
It's surprising that no one noticed this earlier, isn't it?
Blab. A reader kindly suggests Google search terms which we should
"buy", so as to display a link to Plurp on the Google search results
page whenever anyone searches for one of these.
"alien
food symbols" would probably be pretty cheap. Similarly "helenisms",
and perhaps even "broken jokes".
"sexy wallpaper", one of your other strong points, might be a bit pricey.
you might also want to get a quote on "with
you always", just in case.
Well, we're pretty well represented already when people search for alien
food symbols (one of the more common Google search terms by which
people get to us). Similarly in Helenisms,
despite the short-lived attempt to expropriate this term by Big Brother
2 fans. And we're #1 in the broken
jokes category.
We do not seem to be linked at all by with
you always. Perhaps that's best.
Another reader writes:
Suggested Google search term:
Quorn
We do seem to be rather far down in the 28,000
search hits for Quorn. On the other hand, who ever searches
for Quorn?
We don't know if this reader was searching for something or suggesting
that we buy this search term.
homeland logo
There's not
much competition for it, but we really hope the whole noxious idea
doesn't catch on, so we don't want to encourage it.
Next up:
Google keyword for Plurp?
Beets!
Ooh! There
are 461,000 Google hits for beet, and doubtlessly many thousands
of people every day use Google to gird their loins against this noxious
root.
Well, maybe not. We went through the
Google pages that let you buy keywords and learned several fascinating
facts.
-
It would cost us a mere $0.07/click to own the word beet. We always
wanted to own a word. Especially one that we could pronounce.
-
That $0.07 would get us the #1 sponsored beet link spot everywhere in the
world, except for Japan. No doubt because of the International Beet Conspiracy,
we'd have to raise our cost per click to a stratospheric $0.40 to beat
(sorry) the current #1 in Japan.
-
There are 1.1 hits per day on the word beet. We just now used up
the Google quota for beet for several weeks.
Oh. That's just not enough new readership to get excited about. Especially
when you figure that the click-through rate has to be low and, even then,
people who got here would see dreck like this and never come back.
So maybe we'll be keywordless. For now, anyway.
Hmm. For only $0.19/click ($0.40 if we want those peculiar Japanese
again), we could own sex. That would get us 6,800 hits a day.
Blab. A reader doubts our word. Several of our words.
"You lead your brave band
of Heroes in a series of encounters against the evil forces of your
opponents." This is deeply puzzling; it reminds me of the Elementary
School gym teacher who once assured us that in wrestling, we might end
us wrestling someone who weighed less than we did, but never someone who
weighed more.
So do all players command both Heroes
*and* "evil forces" (for the opponents Heroes to battle)? Having
players command evil forces seems sort of to defeat the purpose!
But what else could it mean? Does one player play the Heroes, and
one player play *just* the "evil forces"? That'd be even worse!
You must buy a deck of these, and
let us know your findings.
Hey, you're the one with all the questions. You buy the silly
game.
BTW, we were unable to find any Shinto, Buddhist or Jewish computer
games, per se. (We did find anti-Palestinian, anti-Israeli and anti-Semitic
computers games. Surely that's only because inter-character conflict is
a mainstay of computer gaming?)
Blab. A reader seeks to correct us. Us.
Two corrections:
- I hate to tell ya, but Moana
Loa isn't on Maui, it's on Hawaii, otherwise known as The Big Island.
- The "Lupus
capram in alta rupe ..." piece sure ain't Greek. It's Latin.
Just being a pedant.
-the zyx lady
While we bow before your superior ability to recite
the alphabet backwards, dear zyx lady, we must inform you that Mauna
Loa is on
Maui, and that quote really
was
Greek.
Sorry.
Blab. A mystified Greek reader tells tales of the mysterious
Caves
of Magic (a Web-based card-guessing thingie), admitting this.
We tried it several times
even picking out two cards! What's the algorithm for this? Damn clever
you Murkins.
pax vobiscum
Dear reader, there is no algorithm. It really is magic.
Blab. A reader with a dung beetle fetish writes:
Wouldn't that make a
wonderful cross-stitch!
Imagine, a commemorative tapestry of a dung beetle. How dear.
Blab. A reader suggests an explanation for that disturbing picture
yesterday.
Lycanthrope?
Thank heavens! We thought it might be furries.
Plop. The big
entertainment news in New York?
Seinfeld Won't Use Same Tired
Old Jokes on Letterman
Is he over yet?
Yo. Vampire
Wines. "A Taste of Immortality."
Plop. Once
again ...
When Siegfried Widera got
word last May that child molestation charges would soon be brought against
him, authorities say the Catholic priest immediately booked a Caribbean
cruise, returned to the United States a few weeks later and then vanished.
[...]
He is now one of the most wanted sex
crime fugitives, accused of 42 counts of child molestation in both states.
He has never been defrocked from the
priesthood.
He sounds like quite a frocker, doesn't he?
Plurp.
The blue dog
was looking to
buy a vowel
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Blab. A reader who is blind in both eyes sends us these.
[link]
[link]
That blind link on left has our CEO talking about ...
[...] work that has been
nurtured in I.B.M.'s research labs, and elsewhere, for years and has been
making its way into the marketplace recently. This work includes computer
systems and networks of computers that use clever software and hardware
to manage workloads and to detect and fix bugs on their own — an initiative
I.B.M. terms "autonomic computing," after the human autonomic nervous system,
which automatically handles basic functions like breathing and digestion.
That's us, by golly! Making computers that digest things! Automatically!
Take a number.
 Anyhow!
That blind link on the right is to a fun little game. It reminds us very
much of Missile Command.
And, as Ian just said, You
could do a tasteless version of that with jumbo jets! Well, not us
specifically, perhaps.
Blab. A penguin who confuses file specifications with operating
systems writes:
>submit manuscripts in postscript
So here I am in a place that refuses
to acknowledge that everyone does not use MS. I get .doc files all
of the time. Can only now read them without rebooting, thanks
to mozilla. And you, you still use MS, even though you work for big
blue, have a thinkpad and could easily improve your quality of computing
by switching to some flavor of linux. Yet you are asking for
.ps files. How does this work?
It's pretty simple, really. You submit manuscripts in PostScript. The end.
Blab. A reader wants to know what to do about the neighbors.
I have Steve Smale two doors
down from me for two weeks. I feel I like I should take adavantage
of this, but I'm not exactly sure what to do/how to do this. Any
ideas?
We recommend groveling abjectly and repeating the following:
We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!
Blab. ...
[link]
... in which a media person says:
Almost everything the sniper
"profilers" and pundits told the media over the past three weeks turns
out to have been off the mark.
Let's say this a slightly more accurate way, shall we?
Almost everything the media
published about the sniper over the past three weeks turns out to have
been off the mark.
Honestly. Take responsibility.
Blab. Our ongoing series of lectures on metaphysics continues
with this salient point.
Oh, I always blame it on
Ian and Dave. Steve has no free will without them, anyway.
I find the concept that someone can have
more free will when pressured by others than he can when he isn't so pressured
fascinating.
~B -> ~A
does not imply
B -> A
You are, of course, free to believe what you will.
Blab. A reader cries out in anguish.
Argh!
Who's responsible? Well, it might be Leah.
Yeah, that Leah.
Blab. A reader who has mistaken herself for Beth
writes:
Hey. This is Beth.
The sponsored links at Google have
been going on for awhile, and they *cost* money, they don't *make* me any
money. They are graciously paid for by my errand-boy, Daniel.
He got the idea one day and started
poking around, figuring out which search terms would be cheap enough to
afford getting sponsored links for. You might be surprised at just how
inexpensive they can be.
The whole concept of trying to bring
more readers to my site would work a lot better if my weblog didn't suck
so badly (these days I pretty much just whine about my mercurial mental
status, joblessness, poverty, and loneliness).
Occasionally I post something halfway
entertaining or interesting, though. With the aforementioned Life Stressors,
web surfing for amusing and interesting links has kind of taken a back
seat.
Nonsense! Whining and having a site that sucks are practically prerequisites
for bloggers these days. Didn't we read that in rebecca's
book
somewhere?
In the meantime, readers are invited to suggest
Google search terms that we should buy.
Blab. A reader who is probably
still Beth (as we just saw this on her blog) tells us about ...
an advice
column you might enjoy
Indeedy!
Dear Doctor Hell,
I'm seeing a guy and he seems really
nice. We have been dating for three months and so far everything is perfect.
My only concern is his secretive behavior. [...] Should I confront my beau
and get the truth or not?
--Curious in Concord
DEAR CURIOUS,
TRUST IS AN ESSENTIAL ELEMENT OF ANY
RELATIONSHIP. IF YOUR BOYFRIEND IS UNWILLING TO EXTEND THAT TRUST TO YOU,
BY ALL MEANS ACTIVATE YOUR ARMY OF CYBORG SLAVES AND COMMAND THEM TO OCCUPY
ALL THE STRATEGIC AREAS IN THE METROPOLITIAN AREA. WITH THE CITY PARALYZED,
NOTHING CAN HALT YOUR ATTACK ON THE SCIENCE CENTER, AND SOON THE SECRET
OF Z-ALLOY WILL BE YOURS.
That's what we would do.
Blab. A reader defames the
famous Mr. Chess.
The esteemed Mr. Chess is
mistaken. Cow orker is a phrase that dates way back to Usenet, long before
blogdom.
Indeed, a learned source verifies this. But let's not blame Dave. It's
much more likely that we just remembered the
conversation incorrectly.
Blab. A reader creates a derivative work from a phrase we used
yesterday by embellishing it with asterices.
*is dissolving into entropic
bumbletry*
... which is what we're doing in remembering conversations incorrectly.
Blab. A derivative Canadian reader writes:
What gives, hey?
Yes. Thank you. Please send maple syrup.
Plurp. Top search string to our
very own search engine this past week?
-
"orange theory of ideas"
-
"helen naked pitures"
At least it gives mouse
a rest.
 Yow.
Oh, that wacky ACLU! Now they've got this bizarre idea that it's possible
for America to be both safe
and
free. Such oldthink!
Anyway, you can take a very
interesting little quiz that will test your knowledge of current practices
as they relate to that quaint old Constitution thing that people used to
talk about.
Naturally, we scored 100%. And
you?
Yo. Talk about taking away our fundamental rights, it looks like
you can't even hang
cats in public any more! What's the world coming to?
Plurp. Our cold-befuddled brain was running through the foggy
memories of a product jingle at 4 AM today.
The Shower Massage by Waterkpik
Has the power of good clean fun
And the questions are:
-
Was there such a jingle?
-
What was the whole jingle? (We think there were at least two more lines.)
-
Can you find an authoritative Web reference?
Readers?
Plop. Here's some good
news.
Deputy Defense Secretary
Paul Wolfowitz tried to put some of the fears of American unilateralism
to rest, saying, "We are not a go-it-alone country. This is not a go-it-alone
president. We value the help we receive from others and depend on it crucially."
That would be from the Duchy
of Grand Fenwick, of course.
Yo. Concerned that computer games are devouring your soul? (Our
is already long gone.) Never fear! You can play Christian computer games
like Saints
of Virtue.
A young man enters into the
region of his heart where he battles the influences of darkness represented
as masks of pride, self-righteousness, worldliness, and self-glorification.
He overcomes these forces by applying skill and the appropriate Scriptures.
Brings new meaning to the term God mode, doesn't it?
Similarly, if you're headed to Hell from playing Magic, the Gathering
and its demonic spawn, turn instead to Redemption,
in which you can save Lost Souls with your Biblical Heroes. (Don't miss
the
Apostle's Booster Pack.)
No, we are not kidding.
And if it's board games that fascinate you, try City
of Bondage. No, not that kind.
Plurp. Lunchtalk today descended into this.
Tony Blair Barbie
Margaret Thatcher Barbie (this one
horrifies us)
Osama
bin Barbie
John Ashcroft Barbie
Sniper
Barbie (includes car)
Yes, those two are on the Web. We love the Web.
Plurp.
The blue dog
once got lost in
the City of Bondage
Monday, October 28, 2002
Blab. Our plea to locate our long-lost college roommate
Tim May went unanswered by our readers for, oh, several hours.
tcmay AT got DOT net
And ...
Re TC May, On the Web, I
didn't bother to look. On usenet, he posts as "tcmay@got.net" (google groups
advanced search) and appears to be bright, twisted, profoundly anti-semitic
(something I'll never understand from otherwise rational people), into
survivalism.
There
he is! Just as bright, twisted and opinionated as when we were roomies
Way Back When in college. From the density of posts, we might speculate
that he is indeed living off his Intel riches (he retired when he was around
26 years old, as we recall) and mostly kibitzing, pontificating and studying
impressive-sounding technical tracts these days. Much like when he was
in college, except for the riches part.
Our infinite gratitude to our resourceful and privacy-invading readers.
Now, can any of you find a picture
of him on the Web?
Blab. Some of our readers become tiresome.
Hey! What gives?
Or, as a reader who at least gets the syntax right writes:
Hey - what gives?
And, more in keeping with the spirit of things:
- Heaves thy wig?
Not yet. But we're quite certain that, when we reach that stage in our
life, He Who Heaves Wigs ... will.
Blab. Plurp suddenly becomes philosophical.
The 'reader
who sounds suspiciously like Helen' wrote:
Oh, I always blame it
on Ian and Dave.
Steve has no free will
without them, anyway.
I find the concept that someone can
have more free will when pressured by others than he can when he isn't
so pressured fascinating.
Can we perform controlled experiments
to test this belief?
Yes. Please do. Submit manuscripts in PostScript.
Blab. A reader determined to disturb what little sleep we get
these days sends us this.
Meow.
Okay, so ... this is getting weird. Stop it, okay? Okay?
Plurp. We seem to have scared pretty much our entire tiny readership
away with that With you
always thing last week. Oh, well.
We spent a bit of time with Ian
today trying to generalize the concept to an entire series of drawings,
in which The Son of God gives advice to various individuals. The idea was
to come up with people, like that military sniper fellow, who might be
considered acceptable members of society (in the sense that we don't typical
put them in jail) but whose appearance with Him was odd, or disturbing,
or whatever.
The bad news is that we came up with some really, really excellent examples
of this genre.
The good news is that we decided not to pursue it here.
You're welcome.
Plop. It's sure a good thing you can't buy
sniper stuff on eBay, isn't it?
Plurp. Having a cold turns out to be a great way to diet. You
don't feel like eating anything at all for days at a time. Sort of a poor
man's anorexia.
Why is that? Explanations of the relevant physiological mechanisms are
gratefully
solicited.
Plurp. It seems that Russia's use of gas to put folks to sleep
in their recent hostage crisis managed to kill over
a hundred people. Frankly, we couldn't think of any better way to deal
with the problem without killing many more people, but the gas thing
turned out to be much sloppier than expected.
The White
House took a pass on criticizing Russia's use of gas. Imagine the conundrum.
A gas that causes folks to pass out (and 10% of them to die) is a "non-lethal
chemical weapon" these days. It's the kind of thing the U.S. might want
to use in the upcoming battle of Bagdad, city fighting being an especially
nasty form of modern warfare for civilians. But the U.S. doesn't want to
be criticized for using chemical weapons when they're trying to overthrow
Saddam for his own use of chemical weapons.
Yeah, we know there's a difference between sleep agents and nerve toxins.
But imagine the media storm.
Plurp.
Are
you?
(bOING
bOING)
Plop. Bummer. The folks at HeadFirst,
who were going to publish what looked to be an incredibly
cool H.P. Lovecraft game, seem to be dissolving into entropic bumbletry.
Their front-page link to their Development
news update is broken, and they're claiming a 2Q03 release date
even though they've lost
their only publisher.
It's not looking good. By the time they actually ship, it'll be obsolete.
Pity.
Plurp.
The blue dog
was bright, twisted and
opinionated
Sunday, October 27, 2002
Blab. A particularly astute reader writes:
Hey - what gives?
We dunno.
Blab. A reader comes to us seeking medical help. Naturally we
will do our best.
I've suffered for years from
testosterone poisoning. You know, the kind of disease that causes you to
see sex everywhere (e.g. the scene in American Beauty where the father
lusts after the cheerleader and everyone in the high school gym disappears
except the cheerleader; that's testosterone poisoning).
I must say, though, that the earth
erotica person is suffering from the most severe case I've ever seen. When
knotholes in trees remind you of sex organs, testosterone must be dripping
out your pores. Perhaps she should put down the camera and discover a vibrator
or something. Or call me :-)
Dorian
In her case, it's probably estrogen poisoning. As we said, what's not to
like?
Blab. A reader is either enlightened by us or deeply puzzled.
Or both.
I think that in this light
I'm much better able to make out what the sniper side of the image is.
Could you send that light to Helen? Thanks.
Blab. A reader who sounds suspiciously like Helen writes:
Oh, I always blame it on
Ian and Dave. Steve has no free will without them, anyway.
It is nice to know that he DID listen to me for at least 24 hours.
That's nice change. Time to quarentine him from his evil twins.
The BVI might be good for that......
If we don't show up for work, check the radiator, will you?
Blab. A reader writes Helen (for some reason), saying:
Here's a candidate
for Plurp. I, myself, think it's DISGUSTING!
Thank you for making that connection for us. And if you thought that was
cool, you should look at all of the other rather
amazing Flash stuff that Anthony Eden has done. Spooky.
Plop. Dubya.
[I]f the U.N. won't act —
if Saddam Hussein won't disarm — we will lead a coalition to disarm him
By coalition, you understand, he means the U.S., the U.K.and
the Duchy of Grand Fenwick. By lead, he means do whatever
we want. And by disarm, he means conquer.
In case that wasn't clear.
Yow. Now this is
cool: a Web site that collects the misconceptions you had as a child. Some
of them are so sweet! (/usr/bin/girl)
If I asked an adult what
time it was, they would always know. I figured that this was something
you knew after a certain age; it didn't matter if you had a watch or not.
When I was a kid, I just couldn't
understand why we were human beans. We weren't long and green and stringy
and we didn't look terribly edible. It was an enormous mystery to me.
I remember people mentioning "Mountain
Time" and thinking that time must travel at a different rate at higher
altitudes.
When I was little my mom used to
buy those things you put in the toilet to make the water turn blue. Well
my brother once told me that it was make out of Smurfs and every time I
would go it would make me cry.
I used to think that the reason AMBULANCE
was written backwards on the front of an ambulance was so left-handed people
could read it.
I used to think that little bakers
lived in the toaster who baked the bread and pushed it back up.
My dad told me to work out how to
achieve perpetual motion and so I used to try. For ages, he just said I
must be doing it wrong until one day, I realised.
Yo. Bottling
a Deep One. (MetaFilter)
Plurp. Curiously, our obsessive involvement with GNE
(which now seems to be over, as the authors put a new version on their
server, and it stubbornly refuses to load in our browser) has garnered
us an
incremental smidgen of Web
fame. Weird.
Yo. Heh. Beth now has a
sponsored
link on Google. Next: Blogging for profit.
Plop. It's the awful arithmetic of colds. We gained an extra
hour last night, but lost seven or eight because of the cold.
Anyhow, why do colds make you stoopid? No, we're not questioning their
motives. Rather, we want to know the physiological mechanism. Tell
us.
Plurp. So, if anybody can find our old roomie Tim May (aka T.C.
May, Timothy Christopher May) on the Web, send
us a link. He seems to have dropped out of sight after all that whole
Crypto
Anarchist Manifesto thing in the late 80's / early 90's.
We often wonder if he's out there somewhere, bathing in his Intel riches,
plotting the end of all governments, unfindable beneath layer upon layer
of pseudonym and misdirection.
Or maybe he just sits around watching football all day, beer can poised
on his rotund tummy.
Plurp.
The blue dog
was running as
a candidate for Plurp
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