Plurp: Got hacked; came back!

Bigger!

2001.07.29 : 2001.08.04

Saturday, August 4, 2001
Blab. A victim of that little tiny Blab box writes:
Never said I WANTED you to change your photo. Actually, I've only ever known you to have a beard, and if I bumped into in NYC I probably wouldn't recognize you....
What you say!

Blab. Somehow the presence of our lowly visage in the masthead of Plurp has ignited a great conflagration of controversy.
A new picture of Steve? Why? He looks just like that -- except when he awakes in the morning. You don't want to see that.
Sheesh. We don't even want to see that.

Blab. A reader finds meaning in an anagram generator.
The Blue Dog
gold bee hut
get bold hue
he got d'blue
get double 'H'
bug, hold tee!
bud, get hole!
We all have to find meaning somewhere.

Blab. Our little diatribe about shooting down missionary planes seems to have gotten at least one reader started.
When did it become OK to execute someone suspected of a crime?
Not sure if there's one that was earlier, but Christ was crucified even though Pilate could not find him guilty of any charge.
Witch Trials also executed people on make-believe trials.
Boston Massacre. 'nuf said.
As far as when the US began executing people in other countries, don't get me started.
And who said it was ok to do these things? Well, who ever's in charge that's who! The beauty of using military might is the US can justify executions by carrying out its "political agenda."
Of course, those who believe in Judgement Day have a different opinion of who makes those rules, and who will be punished for their crimes.
We appreciate the reader's perspective, putting the shoot down in the same class as famous historical atrocities. When the War On Drugs was first declared, we thought it was just a testasterone-laden metaphor. Little did we suspect that the U.S. would roll out its massive military might and engage in an actual shooting war, complete with "collateral damage" to those innocent civilians among us who happen to be in the way.
Does this strike anyone else as deeply wrong?

Blab. A reader points out a great injustice.
>The U.S. intended to shoot down civilian
>planes("if necessary"), intended to kill
>the people on them, if they thought
>there were drugs on board.
In fact, the plane in question was carrying a much more dangerous cargo. For it was, as you pointed out in your first paragraph, a 'missionary plane' -- Veronica and Jim Bowers were missionaries. That is to say, they were trafficking memes. Concealed in the heads of the Bowers family were some of the most dangerous memes ever seen -- incredibly infectious, and able to drive the current carriers to the most extreme lengths to pass on the meme -- even to the extent of killing those who refuse to accept the meme and carry it onwards.
The very fact that the US actively supports its citizens in their attempts to propagate the meme, is distressing enough. Indeed, the current Generalissimo of that benighted land appears himself to be a carrier of the meme, and a particularly enthusiastic one at that. This alone should qualify the US as a rogue nation, at risk of UN sanctions; for reasons best described as 'mysterious', this has not yet happened.
Anyway. It's right and proper that the Peruvian Air Force engages in these Meme Interdiction Patrols (MIPs), in an attempt to prevent the continued influx of the dreaded thought patterns into their country. Exactly how the Peruvians managed to con the US Air Force into acting against meme smugglers from their own country is not immediately clear; we can only hope that, over time, history will reveal the truth (although it seldom [if ever] works that way).
We could not agree more, which is why we have turned over our records of the reader's identity to the appropriate officials.

Blab. A reader, no doubt loitering around Google, stumbles upon Plurp.
http://www.keithgravesart.com/nonflash/
files/planet_plurp.htm
[???]
Indeed.

Yow. It's the thirteen-year-old in me. I still think the concept of barfing is funny. So I couldn't resist Designed for Chunks, a design competition for the best air sickness bag. (Hint: Select individual entries from the pull-down menu.) (/usr/bin/girl)

Plurp. You've all seen the much-blogged Microsoft ad featuring a password protected bra. Now can someone explain it to me? Is using Windows XP (eXtra Pricey) intended to be as frustrating an experience as being stymied in the middle of a love scene? Is Microsoft only toying with us, later to turn its back on us in our moment of desire? Are they leading us on only to laugh at us later?
Hmm. You're right. It is consistent with their brand image.

Yow. Have you seen the Lord of the Rings trailer? Or the short "making of" trailer? Very cool. Gotta see that.

Yow. Band names you're unlikely ever to see. We especially like Chalky Aftertaste and Sludgy Bits.

Yak. From an energetic e-commerce research discussion at work with two clever folks who have a physics background.
Assuming spherical businesses ...

Plurp.

Yak.
Let's go see Planet of the Apes this weekend.
You don't want to see that. You'll hate it!
No, I really do.
You'll never be able to convince me of that.
I do! I want to see the makeup, which is supposed to be great, and the sets, and it's supposed to have a surprise ending and that'll be fun.
Aliens have kidnapped by sweetheart.

Plurp.
There are cicadas in the trees. They must be cicadas. What else would shriek with such maddening intensity, and at this hour of the night? I have altered or destroyed much of what might connect me with the events of the past week. The storage compartment is paid for a year in advance, all in cash.
Fifteen minutes. Just fifteen minutes.

Plurp. Can someone explain to us what sport there is in a Sport Utility Vehicle? 'Cause we just don't get it.

Plurp. Unlikely menu items
Tap water
Salt
Parsley sprigs
Aged sashimi
Humid toast (seasonal)

Plurp.
The blue dog's
lunch consisted of
cicadas and parsley
sprigs

Friday, August 3, 2001
Blab. The reader known only as Helen informs us of an amazing discovery.
There is a floor 13 in our building, Steve.
I was in the basement bringing up the laundry today and after I pushed the up button on the elevator, I watched as the numbers went from 18, 17, 13, 16, 15, 14, 12 ............ down to B (for basement). We thought there wasn't a floor 13. There is. We just lost it for awhile .................
Helen
See what you learn hanging around here? All this time, we thought the architect cleverly mislabeled the floors to give the impression to innumerate triskaidekaphobes that there was no thirteenth floor. Now we find out that it just percolated up a bit from its original position.
Must be tough to get Chinese food delivered, though.

Blab. The masked URList emits this.
http://www.independent.co.uk/story.jsp?story=86523
Ah yes - the Panacea Society.
The story of evolution is correct, but there came a point at which God put a soul into a human being. First came Eve, who was both male and female. She conceived Adam.
Of course, it's nonsense that they ate the fruit of the tree; that's just the way it's put in the Bible. Eve was the fruit and the sin was having sex when her seed was contaminated by blood. That is how children are born wicked, deformed or unsatisfactory in some way. It's a perfectly important eugenic fact. The sin of Adam and Eve was having sex at the wrong time of the month.
Adam and Eve lived until they were 930. All the patriarchs did, until the people with souls began to intermarry with other races, which still had animal souls. This brought down their lifespan – and accounts for the immense cruelty of some races, those with more genetic links to races without souls.
Would you like some tea?
No, thanks.

Blab. A tiring reader asks:
are you tired of me yet?
Yes, but that has not seemed to deter you.

Blab. Several readers write:
We'd like to know whether you'll replace your present characature at the top of your weblog pages with a more current representation of Plurp's creator, or whether you'll keep it up there to create more of a sense of nostalgia....
It's good to want things.

Blab. A reader, ever desirous of perfect political clarity, writes:
If an anarchist votes, what does it say about his (or her) character?
And, is there a political party which represents the rights of anarchists everywhere?
And, if there is such a political party, could an anarchist run for public office under that party's affiliation?
And, if said anarchist runs for office, what would be the main platform?
We don't know.

Blab. A reader reminisces.
Do the bulge; both deluge!
Quite!

Blab. An otherwise dull text somehow worms its way into the Big Blab Box.
Are you wasting money EVERY SINGLE MONTH?
If you are planning making any major purchase like purchasing a Home or newcar or getting a new job or even a promotion, Please....read on!
Join hundreds of members who play with us and win CASH MONEY!
Remember, good credit is an important part of your financial future, and it's our pleasure to help you build that future.
Let this information from the
experts help you, as it has so many others.
This incredible new software has the answers you're looking.
Your customer get his/her product faster and you get your payment
GAURENTEED.
Get the website for more details!
Call for bigger packages! ORDER NOW!!!AND GET THE RIGHT EXPOSURE!
Hmm. Google finds most, but not all, of these sentences on the Web. We're tempted to speculate that this is an entry in our Plagiarism contest, as it's (sort of) about the Web. But there are those pesky missing sentences, like the first one.
We are so confused.

Blab. Ducking out of the challenge to create a tiny essay, each line of which is taken from a different author, a reader writes:
"Having just invented a new genre, which we call Plagiarism..."
I'll bet you stole that idea from someone else! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
We note that the reader begins to appreciate the piquant irony in which Plurp is so deeply marinated.

Blab. Referring to our immensely clever idea for a bumper sticker (I'm An Anarchist, And I Don't Vote), a reader wonders ...
I wonder if we will see that Anarchist bumper sticker on a little blue Miata ...........
Not a chance.

Blab. And again ...
Hypothetical bumper stickers about sister-in-law CIA operatives.
"I'm A CIA Operative And I Vote"?

Yak. Lunchtalk today on the topic of bumper stickers.
My Other Car Is Pulled By Swans
My Other Car Is A Celestial Chariot
My Other Car Is Full Of Brightly Colored Machine Tools
My Other Car Is A Blue Dog
Thou Shalt Not Kill; God Hates The Competition

Yow. Search terms used to get to some guy's site. Very funny. lenny and the squigtones?

Plop. An American missionary plane was shot down by the Peruvian military last April as part of a joint program with the CIA.
Veronica Bowers and her infant daughter died when the Peruvian air force shot down their single-engine Cessna. Pilot Kevin Donaldson and Veronica's husband and fellow missionary Jim Bowers survived the crash.
While lots of finger-pointing is going on, let's not forget the single most important fact. The U.S. intended to shoot down civilian planes ("if necessary"), intended to kill the people on them, if they thought there were drugs on board.
When did it become OK to use military force to execute people who are suspected of a crime? And when did it become OK for the U.S. to participate in such executions in another country?

Plurp.
The blue dog
got the website
for more details

Thursday, August 2, 2001
Blab. The topic of Bumper Stickers We Probably Won't See seems to have caught the imagination of yet another of our readers.
Other Bumper Stickers you probably won't find:
I'm a Democrat from Montana, and I vote
I'm a Republican from Manhattan, and I vote
We bow to the obviously greater political knowledge of our reader.
Oh! How about this?
I'm An Anarchist, And I Don't Vote

Blab. In what has become a veritable institution here in Plurp, a reader mixes memes.
Wealthy measles writing hypothetical bumper stickers.

Blab. A reader chides Vanessa.
Silly Vanessa!
She should know that any search engine not outright willing to carry Plurp carte blanche doesn't deserve to EVER carry Plurp, and ought to be yanked from the information superhighway and shot at dawn.
Or High Noon. Either way, Vanessa should be very ashamed of herself.
Take pity on poor Vanessa. How would you like to be the salesperson for a dot-com company that charges money to get your Web site listed by search engines, but whose company is not itself so listed? We hope she has some cash tucked away for next Tuesday, when they go bankrupt.

Blab. Harking back to our terribly sweet story about Helen coming to New York 19 years ago to "apartment-sit" for her Indonesia-bound sister for two years, a reader with a keyboard problem writes:
....and so Helen's sister never returned................
Much like the infamous three hour tour, her sister's two-year sabbatical in Jakarta turned into forever. After all of the political violence there, she moved to Katmandu, where the Royal Family was promptly assassinated. Our current theory is that Helen's sister is a CIA operative. We're watching where she goes next, and we'll definitely avoid going there.

Blab. A reader who is fond of old, dilapidated household goods writes:
Your Northwest Correspondant would also like to thank Steve, Helen, Frances, and any other person who influenced the decision to move Helen to NYC. He (that would be 'me') is now the happy owner of MOST of the items Helen placed in storage for those "couple years" (give or take 15!) except for the mattress, thank God, and all those National Geographics.
That mattress and the twelve tons of magazines are on their way to you C.O.D. Enjoy!

Blab. A devoted chewer of chicken heads writes:
Yesterday you titled one of your Yows 'Geek Alert.'
Steve, we're all avid weblog readers. Need I say more? 'Geek Alert' is simply assumed to begin ALL of your entries.
Yes, but not all of us are reading them on their wearable computers. Most of us, sure, but probably not all.

Blab. On that same topic, a talented reader serenades us.
Living in a di-gi-tal world
And I am just a digital girl
You know that we are living in a di-gi-tal world
And I am just a digital girl
Aren't we all?

Blab. A lone reader follows the links.
Your link to BIG Plurp fan Moira McDermott has a link to "where am I in PI?" A very curious little number generator which searches for your birthday string in the first million+ digits of pi. My string of 031073 occurs starting at digit 64479.
Just curious if any other bored plurpers out there had tried their own birthday and if anyone got a smaller result....
Incidentally, 03101973 did not occur in the first million+ digits of pi.
Cool! Our birthday starts at digit 125324.
Following other MoiraLinks, we also discover that the cyborg name for our blog is:
P.L.U.R.P.: Positronic Lifeform Used for Repair and Peacekeeping
We always thought so.

Blab. A pair of readers vie for Most Unclear On The Concept.
Dear Dr. Plurp -
Your Lawrence and St. Peter correspondents are now back from one of those places where the money is funny colors, having missed a month of Plurp. Would you mind terribly saying it all over again?
Many thanks.
G&M
Whaddya think this is, television?
(And how long will it be until the notion of money having color is just a memory?)

Blab. And if all that wasn't enough ...
Mia sighting [whatever it was before + 1] is at leuschke.org. Another one will follow as soon as the film is developed.
G
(The link given here dissociates dear Mia from that photo, which is rather clearly in the Mature Audiences Only category. We have such naughty readers.)
In fact, that makes twenty-eight Mia sightings to date. (That we know of!) Twenty-nine if you count the blue dog today, but that hardly seems fair.
We are particularly intrigued by the prediction of another sighting in the future. Could this mysterious G person be behind it all?

Blab. A reader attempts to challenge us.
The greatest evil is not done in those sordid dens of evil that Dickens loved to paint ... but is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried and minuted) in clear, carpeted, warmed, well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars and cut fingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voices.
Evil, what is evil? What we call evil is simply ignorance bumping its head in the dark. What we call evil is only a necessary moment in our endless development. How tired I am of my good and my evil! Virtue, good, evil are nothing but words, unless one takes them apart in order to build something with them; they do not win their true meaning until one knows how to apply them.

Plurp. Having just invented a new genre, which we call Plagiarism, we invite our readers to play along. The idea is to write a short essay, every sentence of which is taken from a well known quotation by a different author. Despite its conglomerate nature, the little essay must nonetheless hang together and makes its point.
In our first such contest, readers are challenged to submit a paragraph of Plagiarism on the topic of the Web.

Yow. AT&T just announced a text-to-speech product that is actually pretty good. Most computer voices sound like Swedish chefs due to their inability to put phonemes together into natural, flowing, correctly intonated speech. AT&T's isn't perfect, and you'd never mistake it for a real human, but it is the best we've heard.
Try it out yourself and see what you think.
There's also a bit more about the research group that created it
and some interesting, related research on synchronizing synthesized voices with animated heads.

Plurp.
The blue dog
had never actually
seen Mia

Wednesday, August 1, 2001
Blab. A reader gets feisty on us.
But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.
In fact, you're claiming the right to be unhappy. Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen tomorrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind.
We'd have to agree about that sin part, though.

Blab. In a state of obvious semantic dysfunction, a reader writes:
The existence of diceware stuff implying 155 cases of measles with an unexpended balance of $7396.60.
Those are wealthy measles. In the scheme of things.

Blab. A reader, perhaps unaware of our godlike powers, denies recent lustful thoughts.
I didn't click on that link! Nope, not me!
We have server logs, okay?

Blab. A reader suggests more Bumper Stickers We Probably Won't See.
I'm a racist, and I vote.
I'm a drug addict, and I vote.
Pay your taxes, so I don't have to!
Good ones! How about:
I Was Bush's Teacher
I Pollute And I Vote
Destroy The Rain Forest
(but this is close!)
Bush Said It, I Believe It, That Settles It
And some we didn't make up.
Keep honking while I reload.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
On behalf of feminists everywhere, we are deeply offended.

Blab. Also on the topic of unlikely bumper stickers, a reader writes:
Bumper Sticker we DEFINITELY won't see:
I'm a wife-beating politician/pederast who enjoys child pornography, driving drunk, and long walks on the beach, and I Vote
In any event, we conclude that the reader has a very wide car.

Blab. A slyly self-referential reader writes:
I write bumper-sticker slogans, and I vote!
Yes, but presumably only for yourself.

Blab. Estimating how many people have to be in a theater in order for at least one of them to be coughing at any given time, a reader says:
Answer: One.
Simply bribe your test patient with a year's subscription to Pay-Per-Plurp if said test patient agrees to voluntarily enter the movie theater coughing.
Done.
Who said statistics was hard?
Actually, we don't recall anyone saying "statistics was hard". At least, no one we know.

Blab. A reader who claims to be named "Scott Rutledge" writes:
I would love your account!!!!
We briefly wondered under what conditions this might be true. Just then, "Scott Rutledge" clarified its effusive intentions.
Steve:
Sorry about the incomplete e-mail. I would love your account I currently have a bard that me and my brother play. We share the account and I really wanted to get my own.
I really dont have any money to give you but I would like to keep playing your druid.
Our bard is level 29 and I would like to have my own account.
Please consider giving it to me
Thanks
Scott
Gee, Scott, you can have all the druids we own.

Blab. It has reached the point where scripts are being submitted to us.
Setting: A dusty room piled with boxes. Granite blocks line the walls.
Curtain rises: A blue dog idly sits in the middle of the floor, nibbling on kibbles dated 1972 and wondering if perhaps it was a ripe yellow banana in a previous life. In the far corner, a non-descript man silently sobs, an unrecognizable tune is repeatedly being piped in his head. In the corner opposite, a computer monitor casts the only light into the room, its screen blank except for a Big Blab Box and a blinking cursor.
Voice (from above, as if in a dream about God) : Why does this man suffer so?
Blue Dog:
Voice (still from above, but a little more to the right) : Has he forgotten his Diceware passwords?
Blue Dog:
Voice (somewhat softer, yet still curiously strong) : Has he been ruined by dubyah's fiscal policies?
Blue Dog:
Voice #2 (female, strong and somewhat stern) : He's not allowed to play Thief II anymore.
Voice (defensive, but curious where this other voice is coming from) : Oh.
Voice #2 (stronger, almost a dull roar) : EVER.
Blue Dog:
Voice:
Blue Dog:
Curtain Falls, absent applause.
We think this is absolutely marvelous and, while brief, is destined to become a great hit. We understand that they are contacting Marcel Marceau to create the part of the blue dog.
Our people will do lunch with his people.

Blab. On a very personal note, an avid reader writes:
Hello,
I have visited and noticed that your website is not listed on some search engines. I am sure that through our service the number of people who visit your website will definitely increase. SeekerCenter is a unique technology that instantly submits your website to over 500,000 search engines and directories -- a really low-cost and effective way to advertise your site. For more details please go to SeekerCenter.net.
Give your website maximum exposure today! Looking forward to hearing from you.
Best Regards,
Vanessa Lintner
Sales & Marketing
www.SeekerCenter.net
Gee, Vanessa, how wonderful of you to think of us and our poor, neglected blog. Anxious to contact you, we tried to get through to your Web site, but it doesn't seem to be responding. We then went to Yahoo and Excite and, for that matter, Google, and discovered that your site is not listed in any of them. This puzzled us, given your corporate mission. Curiously, our poor, neglected blog is at the top of the list in Yahoo and Excite and Google, at least if you search for the word Plurp.
Maybe we can help you. You can contact us via our Web site, which does seem to be working.

Blab. Of all the things that happened on July 31, 1982, Our Greatest Fan apparently had this one in mind.
A sweetheart, a bottle of champagne AND red roses!!!! That's the only REAL thing that happened on July 31, 1982
Oh yeah! There's a good story here.
I had moved to New York in May to pursue my dream job, leaving Helen in San Diego, where we met a couple of years before that. Our subsequent phone bills were outrageous. (Note: This was before email caught on.) But, foolish boy that I was, I didn't want to just ask her to move out to New York, away from friends and family and all, and then have it not work out. Helen, foolish girl that she was, didn't want to just move out anyway because she wanted me to ask her.
In June, I was visiting Helen's sister in NYC and related this conundrum. Gosh, she said, I'm moving to Indonesia in a few weeks. Do you suppose Helen would like to apartment-sit for me for a couple of years?
Very clever! So she called Helen very early the next morning and proposed just this. Helen gulped, said yes and, on July 31, arrived at JFK Airport with a couple of boxes and a suitcase, having stored or given away everything else she owned in the world.
I met her at the airport with a dozen roses, a bottle of champagne, and a very big smile. Returning to "her" apartment, I presented her with maps of the city, hand annotated with lots of useful places to go and fun stuff to do.
And you know what? It worked out.

Yak.
What would you have done if I hadn't come to New York?
I would have been very, very lonely and very, very sad.
And then what?
Oh, I would have gone off and found some hot young thing.
That's what I thought!
But I didn't find some hot young thing. I stayed with you.
Uh ...
Yeah, that didn't come out quite right, did it?

Yo. Friend Robert told us the following story the other week, which we do not believe. His business, which makes cases for specialty medical equipment (a box for your new knee, for instance) was having a bunch of computers installed by a local Manhattan computer-installing firm. They got to talking and Robert mentioned something about Steve White.
"Steve White?" the computer-installer-guy said. "You know Steve White? The Steve White? Of Plurp?"
Robert claims these guys weren't from IBM and had no other obvious connection.
Oh come on! We have six readers. There simply aren't any random computer-installing-people that stumble into Plurp. There just aren't.

Yow. Oh heavens. More links to Plurp! One by a nice person named Elisabeth Freeman at Yale. Another by an equally nice person named Moira A. McDermott at Gustavus Adolphus College (possibly a Midwest Correspondent correlation). We clearly have great appeal to the academic crowd.
Hmm. Now we have eight readers.

Plop. The Web has lots of stuff on it. Too much stuff, some days. These folks, for instance, spend way too much time reading just one book. Honestly! Get a library.

Yow. Geek alert! Xybernaut is shipping their new wearable computer!

Never underestimate how stupid we're willing to look
to accommodate technology.
Yow. You love to get called by telemarketers during dinner, right? Oh, you don't? Then perhaps you should do as Jim Florentine does - make comedy bits out of the calls. This one, for instance, is just priceless (and the only one tasteful enough for us to link to).
Then again, maybe it's just us. We loved making prank calls when we were younger. Days younger.

Plurp.
...
...
...

Tuesday, July 31, 2001
Blab. Speaking of Chick-fil-A, a reader somehow tracks down this.
Eat more...
You don't want to know.

Blab. In the long stream of questions and pointers somehow related to this mysterious diceware thing, at long last, a constructive suggestion:
Homework Assignment #1 requiring the student to prove the existence of diceware stuff.
It's a good exercise for our readers. Frankly, we don't believe it exists at all.

Blab. Ruining all our fun with hierarchical inverse link puzzles, a reader writes:
Damn. My fault. I intended the last clue to be "contrite" instead of "lord." But you did it right, so full marks to you.
Searching for "paranoid greener contrite" would have gotten you....well, no-one terribly important.
Oh good lord. That just points to some blathering blogger or other. We liked the Libertoonian better.

Blab. Feeling especially defensive about his deviant tendencies, a reader dissembles:
it's not me!!!!
Uh huh.

Blab. Our Greatest Fan writes:
What's the difference between a toy monster and a toy car? Seems some restaurants can't tell.
This allows us to provide commentary on the important legal cases of our age, just like Dave!
PANAMA CITY, Florida (AP) -- A former Hooters waitress has sued Hooters restaurant where she worked, saying she was promised a new Toyota for winning a beer sales contest.
Instead, she said, she won a new toy Yoda.
She sued Gulf Coast Wings, Inc., owners of the restaurant, alleging breach of contract and fraudulent misrepresentation. Her lawyer, Stephen West of Pensacola, said he was also looking at false advertising statutes.
She's seeking as compensation the cost of a new Toyota.
... or was that a new toy Yoda? (And what's with the dig at calling Yoda a monster anyway? Some nerve!)

Blab. Our Greatest Fan also writes:
What happened 19 years ago today???
We hate tests like this. Our Greatest Fan clearly knows the answer. Our memory, on the other hand, makes a sieve look solid. Luckily, we've got Google! Where to begin?

David and Debbie got married.

The American Psychological Association Division 40 had an unexpended balance of $7,396.60.

The 1981-82 dairy year officially ended.

In the four weeks preceding that date, 155 cases of measles were reported to the CDC.

Henry Wong Him Yee was born.

The crisis exemption from the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide and Rodenticide Act to control potato late blight in New York State expired.

Planet Rock reached #3 on the dance chart.

John Henry Reif's NSF grant to study Graph Algorithms in Program Analysis and Topological Imbeddings expired.

Thomas J. Reese, S.J. published Lesson From the E.R.A. in America.

There were 13,608 contributors to Tau Beta Pi in the year preceding that date.

Steiger's Law was first coined at the Nevada Libertarian Party convention in Las Vegas: People involved in a structure spend more time and energy maintaining that structure than in working toward its goals.

So, you see, it was a busy day. Seems to us there might also have been roses at an airport somewhere, but we couldn't find that on Google.

Plop.
I will not stay up until 1:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 1:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 1:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 1:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 1:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 1:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 1:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 1:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 1:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 1:30 AM playing Thief II.

Plurp. Ever wanted to be a sex slave? Here's how.
Yow. Broken koans. Very funny!

Plurp. We've all been in a theater and heard people coughing. It happens all the time. But here's a question:
Approximately how many people have to be in a theater so that, at any given time, at least one person is coughing?
Show your work.

Yo. If the government compensates farmers who have sheep and cattle infected with foot-and-mouth disease, guess what happens. Yep, farmers buy diseased animals to infect their flocks. Good incentive system!

Yow. Some clever folks in Cuba have figured out a dodge that gets them around their former inability to sell into the U.S. market. It's called the Web. It seems that you can purchase stuff on their Web site, technically through a Canadian company, but oh come on. (Though it looks to us like it's restricted to Havana at the moment.)
You can visit their Web site here. For those of you who don't speak Spanish, a badly translated version is here.
Welcome to democracy, Comrades!

Plurp. Dave claims that having a weblog allows him to show off the depth of his ignorance. We find just the opposite. We find that we can masquerade as knowledgeable and erudite while hardly knowing how to spell either. (Or, at least, we think so.)
Yesterday, for example, a reader Blabs a line to us from Christopher Smart's Jubilate Agno. As if we've ever heard of that! But Google provideth, allowing us to comment with a transparent air of authority. We can even find dimly remembered words like dissemble and use them properly in a sentence, despite not having remembered initially how to spell them or what they meant.
It almost gives the appearance that we paid attention in those non-science classes, or that we know something about history and literature that didn't come from Classics Illustrated. Wild!

Yak.
Google, Google, Google,
I made it out of clay ...

Yak.
Helen: Steve, West Coasters aren't going to get that.
Steve: That's OK, Plurp is very in. People distinguish themselves by getting all of the jokes.
Helen: Your ego is way out of proportion.
Steve: Why, thank you.

Yak. From lunchtalk today:
Bumper Stickers We Probably Won't See
I'm A Pederast, And I Vote
I'd Rather Be Driving Drunk
I'm A Wife Beater, And I Vote
I'd Rather Be Selling Child Pornography
I'm A Politician, And I Vote
Readers are encouraged to submit others in this genre.

Plurp.
The blue dog
wondered just how many
readers clicked on that
sex slave link

Monday, July 30, 2001
Plurp. During Plurp's absence from cyberspace last week, it's entirely possible that some email (or - gasp - even Blabs) sent by our dear readers may have bounced, landing in the big bit bucket that is labeled Plurp's Web Host. If you, gentle reader, sent us any words that have not yet appeared here in Plurp, please do send them again.

Blab. Mid-sentence, a reader writes:
nice that Plurp is alive :)
Did you get the diceware stuff (the 5 words)?
Why, thank you. Now we know what the Phoenix felt like after it cooled down.
Diceware, the reader asks us? No, we don't think so. Was it in a box? (Note use of five words.)

Blab. A prodigal reader returns repentant.
I had a riddle for you, but you weren't available at the time, so I gave it to Dave instead. But he didn't seem to "get" it. So here it is for you, slightly used:
Take the title of "solipsisms anxiety stupid", the first from "dispersal sheep buff", and the second from "insensible fain melody." Reiterate. Who is the author of the result?
That's Dave for ya, too consumed in Supreme Court transcripts and legal theory to take time for the really important things. We, on the other hand ...
Lessee. "solipsisms anxiety stupid" gives us "paranoid". "dispersal sheep buff" takes us to "Greener Pastures Farm, Home of Soay Sheep and Shetland Sheep", of which the first word is "greener". And "insensible fain melody" gets us "The Lord will happiness divine / The Contrite Heart", of which the second word is "Lord".
Iterating, "paranoid greener lord" takes us to a page of novels enjoyed by some Libertoonian named Thomas Aylesworth.
See what fascinating stuff Dave misses out on? He'll be chartreuse with envy.

Blab. A reader graces us with poetry.
The only "ko" I know is the one is the position that arises in the game of "Go" (see article 6).
Splendid! We love it when Go poetry masters read Plurp.

Blab. Backpedaling like crazy, one of our kinkier readers writes:
The inverse link puzzle was intended to point to Stephanie's page, which starts off:
"bleh. it feels like i am always at work, and it is always monday"
A reference to the Plurp problems.
Funny, but unconvincing. We stick with our theory that it was a reference to that female domination story. You naughty, naughty reader! (And yes, we know who you are.)

Blab. Having somehow gotten onto the Chinese spam list, we receive our second missive.
Subj: RONGCHENG BEST CHEER GRANITE CO., LTD
From: xxxx@zhongleistone.com
ÈôÒªÈ¡Ïû£¬Çë»Ø¸´: xxxx@btamail.net.
ZL
RONGCHENG BEST CHEER GRANITE CO., LTD
Welcome to our Company- Shandong Rongcheng Best Cheer Granite Co.,Ltd . Seeing for oneself is better than hearing from others.
Our company is raw material base of stone manufacturer, sources backer of tone trader, honest supplier of stone customers. We hope we could exchange information, promote friendship and be ever-lasting cooperative partner through the E-mail.
Our company is situated in the eastern part of Shandong Province---Rongcheng, P. R. China where is surrounded by sea at three sides with convenient sea-land-air transport. Rongcheng is a beautiful and richly endowed place and regarded as excellent city for journey. Korea and Japan are close neighbors separated by only a strip of water or sea.
Our company was established in 1984, which has developed into large-scale special granite base with 5 series: such as red, pink, white, black and gray with 5 quarries on its own where were chosen as stones by the State.
We have six gang saws (350),one polishing lines(16 heads) and tile processing lines, two combined cutters(34 PCS); 5 infrared cutters, 8 cut-to-size processing lines from Italy and we also have column machines, grinding lines and flamed lines, etc..
Our productivity is 50000 cubic meters raw blocks and 500000 square meter slab, tiles, cut-to-size, columns and other irregular products, etc per year. and the tolerance complies with international-accepted standard and we can guarantee there will be no color difference for large-area decoration.
We depend on 5 quarries and strict quality systems to wholesale a great lot of products for one time and to undertake some large and modern project for inside and outside granite decoration.
Our main products: raw block, gangsaw slab, disc slab, tile, cut-to-size, column, hexagon stone for square, and other irregular stone products, etc.. You can choose any color stone and shape referring to your interests.
Honestly welcome stone trader, stone manufacturer and persons dealing in stone decoration to cooperate with us. We will serve you by our first quality, stable price, good reputation and mutual benefits. Every company hopes the international buyer could understand their products and products could really attract them. We trust you must have exceptional sight and brilliant choice ----To Rongcheng Best Cheer Granite Co., Ltd. Our cooperation will make your career shining again.
We are looking forward to your early inquiry and cooperation.
Best regards,
Yours sincerely,
For more details, please contact with:
1¡¢Nancy Ni
2¡¢Website£ºwww.zhongleistone.com
Ah, the free market comes to the People's Republic, and we rejoice. While they seem to have caught on to spam-as-cheap-advertising, they do seem to be missing a few Western subtleties. So here's some free advice to our new Comrades In Capitalism:

No one cares about granite. It's boring. You need to target your advertising. We suggest snappy black-and-white print ads in old-style analog trade journals. At least, until you get the hang of it.

No one cares about granite. It's boring. Your ads should feature scantily clad young people in various improbable poses. In the ideal case, your ad should be conceptual and mysterious, and not mention granite at all.

No one cares about machine tools, except when brightly painted and filling bathtubs. Focus on the scantily clad people, possibly brightly painted and filling bathtubs.

Make sure your Web site actually works. Or focus on the scantily clad people.

And, while we are naturally anxious to make our career shining again, we've already finished the granite work in our apartment and simply can't think of a way to take advantage of this kind offer.
Readers?

Blab. A reader with a serious problem writes:
I myself am looking for that nine year old building sand-castles in a made-up country at the beach. He was here a minute ago...
Another blog-related missing person. Gads!

Blab. Always eager to keep us up to date on the latest news involving chickens, a reader writes:
Today, Chick-fil-A is the third-largest quick-service chicken
restaurant company in the United States.

While it's not something to write home about, it is apparently something to write to Plurp about.
Frankly, we had never heard of Chick-fil-A®, and we do hope they get the spelling right some day. They also own the Chick-fil-A Dwarf House® restaurant chain, of which the founder's son Bubba is president. Look for one near your home soon. Their corporate purpose is:
To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us. To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A.
That is, Praise the Lord and pass the chicken.
Their Web site says they are working hard towards their ...
[...] corporate goal of being a billion-dollar company by the year 2000.
We wish them luck.
We know it will amaze our readers, but the Chick-fil-A® headquarters are in Georgia.

Blab. On the subject of God fearing fowl, and mistaking Captain Plurp for the Patron Saint of Analog Mail, a reader writes:
For I bless God for the Postmaster general and all conveyancers of letters under his care especially Allen and Shelvock.
This is, of course, from Christopher Smart's Jubilate Agno, which contains the following lines in Opening of Fragment B.
Let Achsah rejoice with the Pigeon who is an antidote to malignity and will carry a letter...
For I bless God for the Postmaster general and all conveyancers of letters under his care especially Allen and Shelvock...
How very literate we appear!

Yo. Congrats to Rebecca for getting married to someone she met via blogging. (That is weird, though. We're pretty much frightened of even corresponding with people who read Plurp.)

Plop. Dubya Dubya Dubya. It'll just never sound the same, will it?

Yak. At work today.
He is a fountainhead of knowledge, both real and imagined.

Yo. Here's a case of meme-mixing that is positively frightening.

cthulhu where are you? is the official source for your scooby doo mythos ccg ® cards. now you can use the mystery machine event to travel to arkham and meet up with fred and daphne and blast byhakees with your shotgun after chowing on some scooby snacks!
This is the strongest case yet for censorship on the Web.

Plurp. OK. Someone explain this to us. This guy has a Web site called www.cthulhu.dircon.co.uk. He appears to belong to something called the Planetary Society (which searches for extraterrestrial life), takes trips to Antarctica and pokes around deposits of Jurassic fossils and caves strewn with ancient artifacts and human remains.
So he's ... ?

Plurp.
The blue dog
was
... ?

Sunday, July 29, 2001
Plop. For those of you who are wondering why Plurp seemed to have vanished from the face of cyberspace last week, you can go read the whole sordid, maddening story in last week's now updated Plurp. Ian got his bits caught in this same wringer, so you can also read his rant.

Blab. A reader ask piteously:
blab alive?
Sakes alive, it is now!

Blab. A reader with a gripe directs it at us:
5 days no new blab :(
We feel your pain. Trust us! And we hope you've been queuing up five days of brilliant and witty commentary for us.

Blab. A reader from Gimli, Manitoba, having a far more relaxing week than we did, writes:
Mother's out in back hanging up the wash
She's the one I've come for.

Blab. A reader invites us to solve an inverse link puzzle.
thong maryjanes bell
Now this could be several things. It could be Stephanie blathering on about her unutterably boring life. It could be Sarai doing very much the same thing. It could be a page in which people with too little to do fantasize about what kinds of dolls they want Mattel to make.
But, knowing our readers, we rather suspect it's the badly misspelled, amateurishly written piece entitled Teen Femdom by the internationally famous Slave Shoelicker. (Note: Adult themes and naughty thoughts.)
Did we guess right?

Plop.
I will not stay up until 2:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 2:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 2:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 2:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 2:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 2:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 2:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 2:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 2:30 AM playing Thief II.
I will not stay up until 2:30 AM playing Thief II.
(But I did figure out two ways to get into the Carlysle Armory in the Life Of The Party - the rooftop - scenario. I'm so clever!)

Yow. In our Yet Another Award department, it seems that our srwhite.org T-shirts and coffee mugs have been major contributors to CafePress winning the 2001 Webby Award in the Commerce category.
No autographs, please.

Yow. We're on kind of a Helenism roll around home.
Dancing for joy

Dancing in the street

Jumping for joy

Plurp.
The blue dog
was seen
jumping in the street

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